Lies

This is a draft of a post I was meaning to share a couple years ago. Wasn't quite sure what I was doing or how to end it. "Here is something I've been noticing with my customers, and most of all, with me. We're fake. Yeah, fake. I've been going to church for almost 21 years now. In several of those twenty-one years, I've been going to church with a heavy load and a deep secret. For years, I didn't know what to make of sex. It's weird(that was my 10 year old mind). It's gross. It's so intimate. It's too personal. For me, I can't fully trust anybody. I didn't have any "best friend" that I can express my thoughts about. I didn't have a close relationship with my dad. I can't trust him enough to tell him everything. I can't trust Him enough to heal me. So all those years of going to church were a going through the steps. And the thought of sex was skewed. Not personal. Not intimate. Not love. Just fun. And I suppose most people these days figure it to be.
"

Friends Along The Way

Every week, I walk about a mile from my school to a counseling office and get counseling. On the way, I saw a woman in a blue embroidered shirt with a welcoming smile, weathered eyes, hair blowing in the breeze, her dog's leash in hand. We talked a bit, not expecting to share the stories of our lives. But as life is, it follows the winds of change that God blows through. Her name? I'll call her Solange, which means "the Sun." She had such a warm personality. I found out that she generally lived a fairly happy life, until a year ago. I asked her what she did for a living. She told me that she does soap operas. Not seriously, of course. She told me that last year, her husband's business began to go under, so he left. She has a cell phone number. That's it. He doesn't want her to chase him down. Who knows what he's doing? But as far as this story goes, she's trying to live by God's grace. I shared a bit of my testimony with her. I was surprised by how graceful she was. "Many men struggle with that! Not just you!" I was so blessed by this woman. I told her that I would pray for her. And I will. But that's not the only thing that happened today. On Facebook, I found one of my friends from my previous school - the one I was kicked out of. He graduated and moved on, working a great job and has wonderful plans in the future. Oddly, we talked about a number of things, and then, it seemed to me that we hit a conversational wall. To get things rolling again, I asked him more about his personal life. As this conversation ran rapidly like a river, I caught myself in suspension of my own words: "Can I share with you my testimony?" I was absolutely shocked to find myself at the end of my story, laying all the cards on the table. And then he says, "me too." All of a sudden, I didn't feel so alone. We talked some more, and I felt this comfort of knowing that God was in it all. I've prayed for years that He would send friends that would be able to relate to me, not because I wanted to vent my opinions, but because I'd be encouraged in having a friend that shared in my pain and my joy, in my struggle and in Christ! I'm so thankful for his honesty :) Maybe one day I'll share my full testimony on this little site. We'll see. I think I'd prefer to have 1 million followers before I do. :P Blessings, jus

Testing

Lately, i've found myself losing control. It normally wouldn't be a problem, but that's the problem. Here are the reasons:

First, my boss didn't put me on the schedule to train for serving tables one week - which is fine. This week he did the same thing. And I didn't give him any grief for it! So I told my older brother and he about chewed me out for being so stupid. A proper lecture.

Secondly, I have been occasionally giving a co-worker a ride to and from work. But one night, he asked me to give him a ride - which I don't mind. Then (next moment later) he asks me to spot him $20! "Sorry. I don't have $20." I tell him. So he asks his cousin to come down to give him $20. So we sit there for a good 20 minutes for his cousin to bail this guy's dumb butt for the week. I would tell him to get a job, but we work at the same place.

Last, I ran food to a co-worker(different person)'s table and it was the wrong dish. In front of the customer, she says to me,"C'mon, Justin!" So while she's complaining to the person who really messed up, I told her not to talk the way she did in front of the customer. She starts raising her voice about she was right and I was wrong(very common with her), so I walk away punching the kitchen door. While I'm back there, another co-worker asked me what was wrong. While i'm trying to cope, she walks back to where I am and tells me that if I want to talk about her to do it to her face. I yell,"I'M RUNNING YOUR FOOD!" while slamming my fist into the metal table repeatedly. My manager came back to talk sense into me, and we leave it. Of course, we got it right between us before the night was over. But...

Lesson? I need to stand for my rights. It's not being selfish. It's selfish to be so timid for my reputation's sake.

Update

I guess it's been a while. It's been a crazy couple years for me. I've discovered more things about myself, fixed some issues, affirmed more things about myself (not that I desperately needed it), and am still learning to move on. Life IS a journey. It's like the voice lessons I'm taking. You have to be free. And willing to accept the outcome - even when you mess up. I've gotten kicked out of a school, gotten fired from a job, found friends for life, found friends for now, and learned that family is always there for you in the worst of times. And you don't allow the bad things bog you down. And you keep going. And what you remember: Keep the best; leave the rest. A new year. A new song. A new start. Be free.

A Fun Time with Family

New Year, New Things

I am failing miserably at being a blogger. It is called "Justin's Daily." Daily what? right? I don't really even know. This is all going to change. Let's face it: It's a new year! And everything must become new. So what should this new name be? What will be my topic? What should consume my thoughts? These will all be answered in the coming weeks.

This is the first blog of the new year and hopefully not the last of the month. I will be returning to school in less than a couple of weeks, and after I return, I will not see this blog again until the summer. I have decided to pick up my blog as a reflection of my life. I'm gaining direction. I have purpose now.

I've watched the movie "Julie and Julia" and I thought it was a very inspiring movie to get up and do what you love to do. I hated the ending though. It kinda stunk. But the moral is true: Hard work through the tough times is worth the effort.

This leads me to my next blogging project...

New Year's Resolution

I don't remember the last time I published another post. It must have been ages... or a year and a half ago... this isn't so daily as planned. I guess that'll be my New Year's Resolution. This blog will be my journal, a running newspaper, if you will. I may just write some of it in French just for practice. I won't write anything that I haven't already, so don't sweat it. I hope you're ready to begin. Here's an update of how everything has gone...

The year-and-a-half of silence:
I began working in Coffee Beanery in the month of June of 2007 after arriving home from college. I've learned a lot from my new job, but not just how to make coffee. I've also learned the importance of a kind response, the glory of a job well done, and significance of Christ in one's life.